Tuning into the TV last night at random I caught the actress Kate Winslet jumping out of her seat to pick up an Emmy award and she gushed out that really she is sharing the award with her mum and that she declared she needs her mum more and more. Then again this evening, after a hard days work, I tune into the TV again and this time an interesting documentary about the posh kids trained to kill - Sandhurst and the number of references to their mums leads me to think that just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean the world isn't after me!
I also did a Sandhurst type training at an Outward bound school in the Lake district and led a patrol on survival rations, so I am no wimp but I do often cry out at night asking where my mum is, and moreso recently. Perhaps one day I will meet another human being who lost their mum in childbirth and survived a bullying negating father who would not accept one's imperfections. Maybe we can swap notes and perhaps I can learn something, if not forgiveness? But in all my years I have never met anyone sharing this trauma and I have met a lot of people.
Of course young boys lose their mums and others are adopted and some mums are dominating and controlling, but they had a mum, someone who is proud of them. On a mums knee a boy learns much about the world. There are support groups for drink and drug addicts but a complete blank in my situation - but with the current crisis regarding the shortage of midwives it was reported on the News for the first time (that I am aware of) recently that a mother in Britain died in childbirth.
There is an old Red Indian saying that there is no greater punishment than to walk the Earth alone.
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